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October 31, 2012

Linens ‘N’ Things

by thenattyurbanite

ImageDear Natty Urbanite:

I read yesterday’s post about being a good guest, but what about those people who are terrible hosts? Ok, so I work as a server at a local bar and I’ve been flirting with our DJ for some time now. We finally went out and had a great time and he took me back to his place. When I got there shock and horror. He had no sheets. No, they weren’t dirty, he just didn’t own any. He had a duvet and a thin blanket. Said that he just sleeps on the mattress or o top of the duvet. It gets worse. I asked for a towel so that I could take a shower and he pointed to his on the back of the door. He only has one towel. He’s a 32 year old guy! What gives?  LB

Dear LB:

Ohhhhh that kinda host. Is that what you kids are calling it these days? In my day we just called it a one ni… Anyway, I really hope that you went home [and if you didn’t you may have contracted a flesh-eating superbug]. It pains me to hear when grown men don’t know the basics of home economics. Yeah this is why this guys do shop and girls do home ec is ridiculous. ONE towel? My word, he can go to any department store and get three really good ones for under $50, including tax. But the gall to offer you his used and probably still damp towel is just egregious. It’s way too early to try and wade into his psyche to understand why he lives like a troll. You realize that I haven’t got to the mattress bit yet? Yeah because that would require an all cap rant, and last time I checked, I’m not Kanye.

Men, if you are going to ask someone to spend the night please ensure that you have clean sheets [preferably an extra set so that you can change the sheets and let your companion see that you’re both respectful and a grown-up], clean towels [bath and face] and an extra loofah [c’mon the dollar store ones are fine for this exercise]. The morning after offer to make breakfast and give her a ride home/pay for a cab. All-in-all just treat her like a lady.

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