On Being a Weekend Guest
So you’ve been invited to your friend’s cottage/beach house/country home/chalet for the weekend. We get it, you’re terribly excited because you have friends with multiple homes like Mitt [last name isn’t relevant]. It has been said on a few occasions that I make for a good houseguest. I didn’t realize why until I began doing regular houseguest stints with other peeps. Then it dawned on me. A few mental WTFs were uttered and I decided to help brothers out before the bad-male-houseguest becomes a pandemic.
Uno – Bring the host/hostess a gift. And honestly a bottle of wine [that the gift giver will undoubtedly drink after one too many Miller Chill Limes and say something to the effect of “oh brah I’ll get you another one. Trust!”] doesn’t cut it. You’re $12 pink swill masquerading as a rosé will just leave a bad taste in your host’s mouth. Literally. Opt for something thoughtful for the cabin/yurt/villa where they have invited you to stay. I oftentimes opt for a throw, coffee table book, fancy breakfast pastries, a cookbook of simple rustic recipes, good coffee or a decorative pillar candle.
Dos – Yes it’s a vacation but don’t be the last to get up. Lazy. Set your smart phone to wake you up at a decent hour befitting your environment [9am does the trick for me], get out of bed, make the bed, wash your face, brush your teeth and put on coffee.
Tres – Make the bed. Like c’mon you’re not at the W, there’s no turn-down service. As my friend Barry’s grandma used to say “you’re a hard-grown man” so you should know how to make a bed.
Cuatro – Make a meal. If you can’t cook, you must be able to grill. Right? Anyway, even if you smuggle a canister of Pillsbury Crescent Rolls in your weekend bag then pop it out [when everyone is still asleep] and put pieces of chocolate in the triangle before rolling it up into delish chocolate croissants, your attempt will be appreciated.
Cinco – Clean up after yourself. Sounds simple enough right? This includes rinsing body hairs out of the tub/shower, wiping away the inevitable toothpaste-spit that gets on the glass and washing any dishes that are used.
Now go out there and be amazing houseguests. If you forget everything that I’ve said, just remember do the opposite to Owen Wilson’s character in You, Me and Dupree.