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July 31, 2011


On Dating [Part One]

by thenattyurbanite

Apologies in advance for the apparently vainglorious statement that I’m about to make. Many men ask me how is it that I am always surrounded by beautiful women [whoomp there it is]. One close friend calls my group of beautiful lady friends “Vaughn’s talent pool” and each time I go out I meet more stunning women. How do I do it? It’s a testament to my breeding; my parents worked assiduously to ensure that a cretin wasn’t unleashed on humankind. Oh and I’m tall, that seems to help.

Seriously though, my female friends are all wonderful, accomplished, well-educated and talented. Many are in relationships, with men who are equally as great and others are forced to swim in that petri dish we call the dating world single. Oftentimes, my single lady friends call/text/bbm me with the progress of their dates or to ask me “why do men do this?” For example: wearing a basketball jersey to meet a lady for dinner is an epic fail. Also, approaching a lady in a bar and saying “I hope you like white chocolate” [sic] is just… Anyway, below are a few recommendations on how to succeed with the ladies.

How do you look?

Mummy always said “dress like you’re the boss” while Dad drilled “dress so that you get an automatic upgrade”. Needless to say looking good is important. I don’t care how far we’ve come as a people; we still judge others by how they dress. For a first date or going out with friends with the hope of meeting a lady, wear a well-pressed [you better own an iron] long-sleeved shirt [you may roll the sleeves as the evening progresses] tucked into a well-fitting pair of slacks/pants and polished shoes. Not sneakers, not something made of canvas, but leather – or some variant thereof. Women see this as a reflection of your self-esteem and the regard in which you hold yourself. Also, don’t forget your belt.


No I don’t mean a sit-down with immigration during which you’re informed that you’re being shipped back to your native land. When you go out in public be well-mannered, even-tempered and tactful. My friend Stefan Williamson is a pro at this. He’s, in a word, princely. Walk upright [do yoga, dude lemme tell you it changed my life]; smile when you enter a room; lock-eyes when you introduce yourself; don’t raise your voice unnecessarily; and be kind to your server.

You smell like Christmas!

I had a group of women tell me that one night in a bar and I’ve never forgotten it. Stand a part from the plebeians and invest in a good bottle of cologne. My scents are both from Tom Ford – Champaca Absolute and Tobacco Vanille. Now these are not for every man, but when a lady says “you smell amazing what are you wearing?” Diesel doesn’t have the same cachet; frankly it sounds tenth-grade.  Head to a good department store, sample a few [no more than three at-a-time] and find something that works for you. Other great recommendations are French Lover [called Bois d’Orage in North America] by Frederic Malle; Hermes’ Un Jardin Sur le Nil and Kiton for Men by Kiton [pronounced Key-tawn].

The Approach

When approaching a woman in person [I will deal with the on-line thing at a later date], whether in a bar, on the subway or whilst grocery shopping, introduce yourself and lead off with something you’ve noticed. “Hello my name’s Hunter. I couldn’t help but notice how well put-together you are/that you’re also reading Monocle/ that you didn’t buy the detergent that’s on sale” [okay maybe not that]. And just let it proceed organically. After her initial response, ask her name and give a good handshake. Don’t forget the cool smile.

Chivalry isn’t dead

Open doors, pull out chairs, slow down your eating speed [so that you don’t have to stare at her slice her tilapia], stand when she gets up from the table – all these actions speak volumes.

To be continued…

1 Comment Post a comment
  1. Jul 31 2011

    This advice is spot-on. Feel free to share with men in the U.S. please, and thank you.

    (Walks off cooly in a trail of obscure French parfum)


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